Today was definitely a really hard day for me. Besides having to get back into school and having all these tests and everything else shoved at me, everything about today was just hard. I was feeling sick about school this morning (I know, nothing new there) and it was the worst "Monday feeling" yet. You know that feeling when you get up on Monday and can't believe that the weekend's over and school is back? Well this morning that feeling for me was a hundred times worse. Anyway, school itself was that bad, but I was terrified about a certain test today. It went surprisingly well, so that was good.
But the worst part of the day was a few hours ago. I was cleaning up my room, and everything just hit me like a brick for the first time. I mean, sure, it's hit me many times before, but that's only because I was really thinking about. I was never really thinking about it when I was cleaning, and then I was on the floor sobbing. It was such a weird feeling just breaking down in the middle of cleaning like that.
Right now, I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of my life without my Dad. It is just so hard right now. I don't want to sound mean but I am so sick of hearing about other people and their perfect lives with their perfect parents. And, I really hate it when people complain to me about their dads. I'm always thinking "seriously? At least your Dad is still alive and there for you. You have no idea what I would give for that."
I'm hoping for another sign soon. Those always really help me out when I need them. By the way, another song that I love right now is "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City. I never really understood the meaning behind the words until now. It's a really sweet song.
R.I.P. Daddy. I love you. 1/22/2011♥