One month...

Today, February 22nd, is the one month anniversary of my dad's death.  I honestly can't believe that its been a month since that day.  It's been hard today, but at least most of the little things I had to do without Dad are over. Of course we've still got all the really hard things ahead of us like the holidays and birthdays and such.  The really hard thing is that I'm becoming less and less numb.  I guess it's good to cry more now, which is what I have certainly been doing.  Right now, the only thing keeping me going is my friends and family, especially the little babies in my house.  I really want the pain to go away.  I know that it will get better but it's awfully hard to believe that right now.

R.i.p. Daddy.  I love you and miss you more than I could ever say.

memories...

I would just like to share some of my favorite memories of my dad as they popped into my mind.

My daddy was always very involved with his kids.  i would always look forward to power outages because me and my little brother and my dad would play games.  One time in particular, the power went out later in the evening.  I remember my dad going downstairs and finding an old oil lamp and some oil to help light up the house.  He put it on the kitchen table and grabbed a pack of cards.  We played poker (texas hold 'em as I recall) for hours by candlelight, poker chips and all.  Those were always such fun times.

I remember how fun the winters would be with my dad.  One time, me and my little brother  went outside sledding in our backyard.  We were having a good time, and my dad was shoveling off the roof and our deck.  He was just about to go in, I'm quite sure he was exausted.  But, me and my brother begged my dad to come sledding with us.  He said he was too tired and went inside.  We were dissapointed but we understood.  About 15 minutes later, my dad bounded out in his snow clothes, all set to play with us.  He always put our happiness before his own deserved rest.  I am certainly going to miss that.

Well, I'll end for now,but I'l be sure to continue wrting these out whenever i remember them.  

Here's a song I wrote about ALS

ALWAYS IN MY HEART             

CHORUS:

[No matter how long it's been

I know where you are now

You will always be with me,

In my-y-y heart]

When you were a young man

still only young, too young to die...

I was just fifteen

Still needing my Daddy.

All of us were so happy

life was near perfect,

Our family was together...

Finally.

Then came the bad news,

Nothing ever stays perfect

at least not for long.

And no one was ready.

[CHORUS]

We heard you were dying.

How were we supposed to,

Cope with all this.

We all needed you so much.

How could this be?

Life was so good, until this disease.

I never even knew,

What this disease was until...

You went so quickly,

I wanted my Daddy,

Too young to die.

We were all too young to lose you anddd....

[CHORUS]

The only thing that got me through,

Was trusting in a miracle,

Even til the end.

The very, very end.

Finally I realized,

Or understood I had to,

There would be no miracle.

So I whispered through my tears...

“Daddy, just go ahead and let go,

I know that you're holding on.”

It was hurting me so much,

seeing him like that, barely breathing.

After saying “I love you”

His eyes raised up to heaven,

Focused on Something: the face of God.

He had left this earth…

[No matter how long it's been

I know where you are now

You will always be with me,

In my-y-y heart

I will love you forever,

best Daddy ever,

In the who-o-ole world...

In my-y-y heart]