Saturday, September 18, 2010

A few weeks later, after school has begun...

      Well, life is slowly getting better, I'm starting to accept how it's going to be for a long time.  Yes, I'm not a big fan  of school but who really is?  I've made plenty of good friends and I love most of my class.
      Thanksgiving was hard, thinking it might be Dad's last.  But trying not to be negative, maybe it will only be his last Thanksgiving with ALS and he'll have many more after he's healed.  I still pray for a miracle and will even until the last second.  But, it's been hard to be hopeful lately.
      A few weeks ago, my Dad started using a wheelchair.  That was definitely hard to see.  He's just been getting so weak so fast that it's scaring me.  I don't want this to be my dad's last Christmas season or my last birthday with him.  I'm only going to be 15.  That's way too young to lose a parent.  I was still expecting 30 or 40 more years with him until he was diagnosed.  Even then I thought I had at least 3-5 more years with him.  But, of course, his case has to be moving faster than normal, giving him months instead of years to live.
      I'm getting tired of everyone else giving up on a miracle too.  This afternoon, my mom was talking to someone and said something like "when he dies".  Phrases like that are not hopeful and do not help.  I feel like everyone around has lost hope that God might still heal Dad.  All this just makes me loose hope too.
      For Christmas this year (today is the first Sunday of Advent) we'll all be together hopefully.  As long as my nephew doesn't decide to arrive early Brad and Drea will be there too.  I hope so.

      "God, please help me to continue hoping for a miracle.  Help everyone else to have hope too and not count on Dad's death.  As far as I'm concerned, Dad won't die for a long time still.  Help this be true.  Please help my Dad, cure him of his ALS.  Give me strength and hope so I may continue praying for a miracle.  Amen."

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